Forgiveness and Passion Without Compromise

We all have really good reasons to be really angry. We’ve all been hurt. By others. By family. By acquaintances. By our church. By our work. By people we loved. By ourselves.

Sometimes we let the hurt done by others be the fuel to hurt ourselves even more. It becomes this repeat avalanche of hurt that we can’t stop. The worst part about the pain and hurt is that we relive it. Over and over. We think about it, obsess over it, play it over and over again in our heads. We think about what we should’ve said. What should’ve happened. Something we hated, we keep reliving.

Bitterness. Anger. Sadness. Rage. Frustration. Anxiety. All crawling over us like ticks, finding new ways to embed themselves into our skin, making us sick.

You’re angry and bitter. You want them to feel the weight of their offense. So you pick up rock after rock to throw at them. Someday they’ll pay. You pick up another stone and put it in your backpack. More and more. Your backpack becomes full of large, jagged rocks. They need to feel the weight of the offense, but they are somewhere else. Living their lives. They don’t know you’re thinking about them. And honestly, they might not even care.

You’re the one struggling to carry all the weight. Soon it’s hard to even take a step forward. You’re stuck and in pain. The offense and offender long gone, yet they are constantly there with you. Bitterness and anger allow this person to stay with us wherever we go.

So the question becomes—Do you want this person (or people) right next to you the rest of your life?

That’s why I say there’s freedom in forgiveness.

When we keep reliving the offense, we stare at the perpetrator in our thoughts, over and over, like a fish tangling and spinning from that barbed hook. Forgiveness allows us to take the hook out of our own mouths and swim back into the lake. Forgiveness is not letting the other person off the hook; it’s letting yourself free from it.

Yes, if this person is still hurting you emotionally or physically in the present, then you need to find help in the now. Forgiving is not allowing the perpetrator to keep hurting you. Forgiveness is allowing the perpetrator to stay far away from you, in the past, where they can stay.

Sometimes this all means forgiving yourself too. Sometimes you have to leave who you were in the past in the past as well. You can’t let shame or regret be the driving forces in your life. You made some mistakes. We all have. Ask God for forgiveness if you know you did some wrong. You might need to ask for forgiveness as well from the one you hurt. Then, forgive yourself and move on, with wisdom and resolve to do things differently.

God forgave us in our mess and He daily offers us the choice to do the same, to forgive ourselves and forgive others. Forgiveness is freeing. You don’t forgive for them. You forgive for you. Allow God to deal with them. Allow God to heal you.

You can’t heal if you keep opening up your own wound. Forgiveness allows you to be free from the offense. To drop the backpack full of jagged rocks you’ve been collecting and walk freely again. To enjoy the view. Smell the beautiful scents again. Be thankful. Heal. Walk into your future instead of being tormented by the past.

Walk in the grace you’ve been given. That’s the freedom in forgiveness.

There’s a shadow side to each of our strengths, as scholar and deep thinker Parker Palmer once wrote. Basically, to every strength you have, there’s the dark underbelly counterpoint weakness that can surface at inopportune times. A weakness “yin” to your strength’s “yang.” I believe there’s also a shadow side to your “passion.”

We must not let the pursuit of our passion become our compromise.

There is a certain amount of obsession involved in those who are truly pursuing something great. I’ve often seen people applaud this level of obsession as the true pathway to success. But success at what cost?

That’s the rub, the sticking point, the shadow to the sexy path of passion. Now that I’m past my twenties, I’ve often seen those who I once applauded, or even secretly obsessed over studying their habits of “obsession,” completely burn out and torch all their “success” because their obsession lacked substance. Their obsession alienated and isolated themselves. They achieved the goal but lost sight of the bigger picture along the way.

Obsession blinds. By definition that is obsession’s outcome.

Yes, there’s always going to be sacrifice when you pursue anything worth pursuing. We must ask ourselves, are the sacrifices worth it? Are we sacrificing things like comfort, security, or complete control over the outcome? Maybe that’s a good thing—these sacrifices become a path of growth as we are refined through the ups and downs.

Or are we sacrificing our character, our morals, our relationships, our spiritual, mental, and physical health at the altar of our obsession? Is the pursuit of our passion putting to death all the things we know are important to us? Is our passion built solely on our pride and we will crush anyone who gets in the way of this passionate pursuit? Will the cost be worth the gain?

This is again where mentors can really help. Seek out those who are not just uber-successful in that same field but who seem to have a successful life within the scope of that field. I’ve come to appreciate more the person who ranks 25th and has a full, amazing life of meaningful and loving relationships than the person ranked 1st who only seems to have ashes in their wake from everything they’ve torched to get there.

Pursue something. Do great things. But be mindful to not let your pursuit of passion become your moral compromise.