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Social Media and Death by Validation

Social Media and Death by Validation

A minimalist graphic on a gray background. In the top right, the number “96” is in a slanted, medium-gray font. Below in bold black text is the quote: “Watch out that social media doesn’t become death by validation.”

Why was I so anxious?

It was Sunday night. I’d just spent an amazing weekend with my 15-month-old girl. And yet, as I lay down to sleep, my heart felt tangled like five strands of Christmas lights.

Then it hit me. I’d posted a picture on social media hours earlier and before I went to bed I’d checked my phone to see the stats.

One Like.

On my award-winning photo with a caption worthy of Pulitzer.

I was so anxious because I hadn’t received enough thumbs-up to send me to bed. And at that moment I realized something: I have a serious problem.

VALIDATION ADDICT

I’m addicted: to Likes, retweets, hearts, visits to my website. Validation from the masses is my opium. Social media validation—my high.

Tell me I’m cool. Tell me I’m funny. Please, someone Like me.

Sure, in the beginning a couple of Shares and Likes were enough. But quickly I needed a bigger hit. My highs and lows throughout the day were based on how many people have affirmed me. And in turn when no one sees me, or when someone comments that my article (and I quote) was “the most uninspiring thing [they’ve] ever read,” I crash. I’m strung out on the couch, my insecurities grabbing a blunt, heavy object to begin their mutiny against me.

I’m sick of running in the Refresh 1000—hitting the refresh button over and over just hoping for those 1,000 Likes.

Social media has become my drug. Where are all the clinics?

GROOMED FOR VALIDATION

The thing is, I’ve been groomed my whole life to need validation.

Good grades. Gold medals. Honorable mentions even when I fell flat on my face.

I’ve survived on morsels from parents, coaches, teachers, and friends telling me “You’re good enough” my whole life.

Social media didn’t start this validation trend. It’s just reaffirmed it.

Social media is high school all over again. I’m standing in the corner at the party hoping someone cooler than me laughs at my joke. My Obsessive Comparison Disorder is now at the touch of my phone.

THE SOCIAL MEDIA CURE

Curing my addiction is simple, right? Quit cold turkey. Delete Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Razzle, Urchin, Speed-Bump, etc. etc. (Okay I made those last few up.) Toss the iPhone in the trash. Maybe move to a monastery. Pick up a broom. Take a vow of silence. Done and done.

But is disengaging the answer? As someone who is striving to create something worth creating, inspire others with a story, and gasp, make a living within this online space, I’m torn.

Content is no longer king, platform is.

For anyone trying to start a business, produce movies, garner a publishing contract, book speaking gigs, sell a product, make a living—how can we not focus on receiving looks from the crowd?

But is it worth it? Am I beginning to lose my sense of self outside of the online branded self I present online? If I only create what I feel will appeal to the masses, will I be right there with the purveyors of low-budget horror films?

How dangerous is it that validation, or the lack thereof, seeps into my creativity, identity, and motivation like a radiation leak?

So yes, I can put myself out there but I can’t live for the high of validation. My self-worth can’t be based on how many people give me their clicks of approval. I should feel the same after fifty thousand Likes and after one. Easier said than done.

Will I be able to escape the clutches of validation? Is my worth based on something beyond what is social media worthy? I pray so.

Quite literally, prayer is such an important weapon for me in this fight against the ebbs and flows of social media validation. It reminds me my worth isn’t based on what’s “in,” what’s popular, or what people are saying or aren’t saying about me in the moment. I can get off all the devices, step outside, breathe air, and remind myself of my worth. My worth isn’t based on how social media sees me or doesn’t see me, but how Jesus sees me.

My worth is based on the same promises that have been in the Bible for ages. My faith that the Lord is in control is my certainty in an age raging in the uncertain. The older I get, the more I experience how incapable I am of holding it all together by myself. I’m the boy trying to plug 100 holes in the dam with only two hands. There’s serious comfort in knowing that my identity is found in something eternal. I know how invalidated I’ll continue to feel if my validation is coming from anything on the internet. Trying to find my identity in what’s “all the rage” will just keep my soul raging.

练习题

What first makes the narrator realize he has “a serious problem” with social media?

A. He deletes several social media apps and regrets it immediately.
B. He becomes anxious at bedtime because a posted photo has received only one Like.
C. He receives a publishing contract after gaining many followers.
D. He decides that all online platforms are useless for creative work.

Which statement best captures the narrator’s meaning when he says social media validation is his “opium” and “high”?

A. He uses social media mainly to research medical topics.
B. He feels addicted to online approval such as Likes, retweets, hearts, and visits.
C. He believes social media has no emotional effect on him.
D. He thinks only professional artists should use social media.

According to the section, why does the narrator hesitate to simply quit social media completely?

A. He believes social media is harmless and never affects identity.
B. He needs online platforms to create, inspire others, and possibly make a living.
C. He thinks deleting apps will automatically make his posts more popular.
D. He wants to avoid all public attention while building a public career.

Which details from the section show that online validation can shape the narrator’s emotions and self-perception? Select all that apply.

A. His highs and lows during the day depend on how many people affirm him.
B. He crashes when no one sees his work or when someone leaves a harsh comment.
C. He says his self-worth should be based on clicks of approval.
D. He worries validation may seep into his creativity, identity, and motivation.
E. He says he should feel the same after fifty thousand Likes and after one.

Which ideas does the narrator connect to being “groomed” for validation before social media? Select all that apply.

A. Receiving good grades, gold medals, and honorable mentions trained him to seek approval.
B. Social media created the human need for validation from nothing.
C. Parents, coaches, teachers, and friends gave him messages that he was “good enough.”
D. Social media reaffirmed an existing validation trend rather than starting it.
E. He compares social media to high school, where he hopes someone cooler laughs at his joke.

The narrator argues that negative comments and lack of attention can deepen insecurity even when a person is already seeking positive online approval.

The section presents deleting every social media account as the narrator’s clear and complete cure for validation addiction.

The narrator’s concern about online validation is limited to getting more Likes; he does not connect it to creativity, identity, or motivation.

The narrator says, “My self-worth can’t be based on how many people give me their ___ of approval.”

The narrator says prayer is an important ___ in his fight against the ebbs and flows of social media validation.

How does the narrator distinguish between using social media and living for social media validation?

Explain how the narrator’s faith-based response to social media validation connects with the prior idea that similar faith can support people in crisis.

Which response best combines the current section’s warning about social media validation with the prior lesson about preventing burnout?

A. Keep refreshing social media until enough approval arrives, because public attention is the only reliable source of motivation.
B. Delete every online account permanently, because anyone with dreams must avoid public attention completely.
C. Use social media when needed for creative or professional work, but take intentional time away from metrics so self-worth and energy are not controlled by approval.
D. Focus only on creating posts that appeal to the masses, because platform visibility should determine identity and creativity.

Which statements correctly connect the section’s ideas about online approval with prior lessons about support and pursuing dreams?

A. Because creators may rely on public attention, they must be careful not to let validation control their identity or motivation.
B. Since platform visibility matters, a person pursuing a dream should ignore mentors and support groups.
C. Seeking guidance from experienced people can help a creator pursue online work without being ruled only by Likes or popularity.
D. The need for validation can affect creativity, so supportive people can help a person keep purpose beyond public metrics.
E. If social media creates comparison, the only possible solution is to abandon every dream that requires public visibility.

A hurtful online comment can intensify insecurity, and the prior lesson about hurtful words suggests that such comments may still cause damage even if the speaker later apologizes.

The author argues that social media did not create the need for validation but ___ it, which connects to the prior idea that people may already carry insecurities about their roles and identities.

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