Frustration, Complacency, and Post-College Friendship

Sure, frustration is a complete jerk. It won’t sit there cross-legged, all polite and quiet-like. No, it will gnaw at your insides like a rat on a corncob. But that’s why we need it. Don’t try to drown your frustration with high doses of junk food or alcohol. Don’t hide from your frustration with unending seasons of your new must-watch show. Sit there. Take a breath. And allow yourself to be frustrated. Then figure out what frustration is saying. Listen to its voice. It’s telling you the problem and asking you to find a solution. Most inventions and innovations begin with frustration, as it forces you to find a better way if you’ll let it. Let frustration cattle prod you toward your future. Let the frustration of “This is not where I want to be” motivate you to keep moving forward. Go ahead. Be frustrated. Just make sure you do something productive about it. The best way to relieve frustration is to dive headfirst into it.

Need to know if your office suffers from complacency? Pretty simple. How are new ideas received? Are they explored or instantly exploded with a shotgun of “that’s not possible”? Have you been there two years and you still can’t open your mouth? Are you allowed to tackle projects outside your “job description”? Does your boss want to work there? Does your boss’s boss want to be there? Complacency is a disease. Extremely contagious. Easily passed from one employee to another. I’m as serious as a funeral director after a heart attack. Because you, starry-eyed twentysomething, coming in with new energy and ideas, will be crushed over and over by tsunami waves of complacency. Until you shut your mouth, settle in, and catch the disease yourself. In a culture of complacency there is a sick, perverted love affair with status quo. And honestly, it’s going to take a lot of hard work to change it.

Now more than ever we need a little help from our friends.

So why have so many of us since college discarded them like that Christmas tree air freshener? What used to liven up our lives with pine-needle-fresh—now a piece of highway debris.

For many of us the transition out of college has been ten-car-pile-up scary at times. You can’t see, can’t steer, and have no one in the car to help grab the wheel. Because all the friends who used to be in the passenger’s seat have scattered like a dandelion in a hurricane.

Where have all the friendships gone and how do we get them back?

THREE TIPS TO MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS POST-COLLEGE

1. Well … Are Friends Still Important?

That’s the first question. Because honestly I think some of us have concluded that in our much-too-busy lives, friends don’t even crack the Top Ten.

Sure we “technically” don’t need friends just like we “technically” don’t need a roof over our head. But once life starts pouring down some nasty stuff, it’s sure nice knowing there is something there to help protect you.

Are we willing to pursue this Crazy Little Thing called friendship?

Are relationships going to be a priority, or are we going to Lone Ranger this thing, the final scene of our lives just you and your horse riding into the sunset? And while that makes for a kick-booty Hollywood ending, who’s actually going to be in the audience to watch it?

2. Get Involved

We need to get involved. In something.

An ultimate Frisbee team, community service, young moms’ support group, polar bears club, Hipster-Training—whatever you find appealing. Church might also be a good place to find friends. Because it’s most likely embedded in their religion to love you unconditionally.

3. Pick Up the Dang Phone

Honestly, I struggle at this. I see a friend calling. I want to talk. I need to talk. But as I begin reaching for the “Answer” button, something takes control of my hand and turns it the other way as my phone slips sadly back into my pocket like a depressed river otter back into his burrow.

That thing that has Jedi-like control over me? My schedule. My to-do list. My life. My time. Mine, mine, me, me, MEE.

Oh yes, the dreaded ME-MONSTER has thwarted many a good relationship and conversation. So the next time a friend calls, pick up the phone. Slay the ME-MONSTER.

Yes, there are things on your list that won’t be accomplished. That’s fine. Because a conversation with a friend does more to spark your creativity and enthusiasm than five Red Bulls.

Bonus 4: Pride Comes Before the Friend-Fall

Or even worse, I don’t pick up for a good friend because I simply don’t want to talk about my life. I don’t want to do the ten-minute rundown about all the obstacles and non-exciting, little-tangible-success details of the last month. Especially if I know the friend on the other line is experiencing more success than I. Terrible I know.

Just because I can’t one-up my friend doesn’t mean I should hide from them.

WHY CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS …

Making and keeping friends in our 20s takes intentionality. Consider this a collective challenge for you and I both to give friending a chance.