Negotiation, Choice, and There’s Still Time

This secret that “everything is negotiable” was suggested by my wife Naomi. I came up with the “you always have a choice” part because many people will try to make you feel like many decisions in life are “take it or leave it.” Or they will make you feel like there is no other option at all and you better “take it … or … take it.” There’s no other way.

I’m here to say, most of the time there’s always another way, especially if a person or entity is highly pressuring you that you have no other choice. This typically means that you really need to work diligently to find another way because they are forcing something on you. Too often we get stuck making some yucky decisions that we know we shouldn’t be making under the excuse of “I didn’t have a choice.” Let me just reiterate, you always have a choice. And if someone is making you feel over and over again that you have no choice, then now more than ever, it’s time you made a choice to choose freedom away from that kind of control.

THE ART OF NEGOTIATING

My wife is better at negotiating than me. I don’t enjoy the process. Yet, after working together for many years, I know the importance of it. We have reviewed countless contracts from employers, publishers, production companies, agencies, and corporations, and we have seen some crazy things silently slipped into contracts. Many of which we have negotiated, thanks to Naomi, who is a sleuth at finding those silently slipped-in stipulations.

Now as you do life in your twenties and beyond, there will be many employers who will try to make you feel like this secret is not true. They make you an offer of employment and act like this is all chiseled in cement. Companies you’re doing business with will quote you a price and act like there’s no wiggle room. But honestly, most of the time, it’s negotiable. And in terms of your salary at a job, the two best times to negotiate it are (1) when you’re being hired, or (2) when you’ve decided to leave, and if you’ve done good work there, all of a sudden that rock-hard number they couldn’t budge starts budging when they realize you are serious about leaving.

Then as well, just know that if you’re being handed a contract to sign and you didn’t hire the lawyer who constructed it, that contract is not written in your favor. Lawyers have constructed it to protect their client, not to protect you. Go in with that lens. Find the proper help if needed, someone to advocate for you.

Obviously, there’s an integrity piece to negotiating as well and I’m of the mindset that if you know you’re already getting a good deal, let’s not take advantage of someone and negotiate it down even further. Also, other people and employers might be secretly negotiating with you right now and you don’t even realize it. They are doing a silent, real-time negotiation. They are operating with the mindset that everything is negotiable, and they might be seeing what you’re willing to sacrifice. How far are you willing to go? What are you willing to let slide and what are you not? This is why you need to define in your life what is negotiable and what is not. Knowing this gives you a foundation to build your choices and decisions from.

Too often people find themselves in some dark places not because of one bad choice, but from a thousand small compromises because they never defined what lines they wouldn’t cross.

You always have a choice. Even with friends. Don’t do something with friends that you feel uneasy about, even if they’re making you feel like you don’t have a choice. You always have a choice. If you have to call someone else to pick you up. If you need to call your parents or a sibling for help. If you have to pray in that moment and ask God to intervene. You always have a choice.

Everything is negotiable and you always have a choice.

If you find yourself consistently saying, “But I didn’t have a choice” just know you are making a choice, abdicating your power of choice to someone or something else. Is this the choice you want to be making with your life?

It’s never too late. You haven’t missed your chance. There’s so much in store for you ahead. I promise. There’s so much still to write.

The doors that closed in your face, maybe they weren’t to harm you. Maybe each closed door was a shield to protect you from what was inside.

Life has its many ups and downs that we don’t fully understand. Life resembles the inner workings of an old clock—some big gears going slowly forward. A few smaller gears turning rapidly backward. The peaks and valleys of the gears interlocking together. All working together to move time forward.

Now is a great time. To try. To explore. To take that first step not knowing where the next one might lead. Now is a great time to reflect on what is truly guiding you. Are you trying to do this on your own? Why? Everyone needs help. From family, friends, from their faith.

What’s your faith in?

I can’t do it on my own. I’ve definitely proven that over the years. The Lord is here with me. I know that. That’s where my faith lies. I’ve seen Him show up and pick me up off the ground so many times. Walking with me in the now. Speaking to me. Guiding me when I feel directionless.

I still get discouraged. Setbacks still frustrate me. Rejection still stings like getting a splinter caught under my fingernail. Yet my worth is not on the up and down yo-yo ride as much any longer. Through failure or success, I can walk forward knowing I’m loved. I’m forgiven. If I need help, I only need to ask for it. And I do. Constantly. Thank God He’s here to offer it.

There’s still time.

Someday, there won’t be. I know that. But that’s not today. There’s time today. Let’s use it wisely.