Bonus Secrets Introduction, Overwhelming More, and Marriage Health

Hello from the future! I’ve just gone back through the 101 Secrets for the first time in a long time. Updating, rewriting, adding, and subtracting. Because this is a new edition, so I make new! While trying to keep the soul of the book intact.

Going through it was a joy for me. So much went into this first book. Going back through it was like sitting down with an old friend I haven’t spoken to in years, picking up right where we left off.

But a lot has changed in the world and in my life since 101 Secrets for Your Twenties first released. I now have four children. Five published books. (And a few other books that solely exist on my computer.) I have done countless keynotes and talks across the United States encouraging college students and twentysomethings, while also speaking to leaders across the nation on how different generations can work better together. Speaking on stage and getting to see your words impact people in real time is still such an absolute joy for me.

And now with my family, we’ve also been working as commercial actors together for years, which has taken us on some amazing adventures all over the world. This additional “career” path is definitely not something I planned, but it’s been this real sweet season where we’ve gotten to homeschool our kids, work together, and really do life all together.

It’s been a wild, good ride since 101 Secrets for Your Twenties first released. You write out the plan for your life, yet many times it’s the unscripted paths that lead you to the best chapters.

Yet, as much as things have changed, a lot in my life and in this world has stayed the same. The angst, anxiety, and uncertainty are still highly present—both in the micro and in the macro. So much shifting and changing. So much opportunity and so much fear. Every generation has their unique challenges, and being a twentysomething is still very challenging. I don’t need to tell you.

So let’s get to it. Looking at what’s behind and what’s ahead, what are the secrets to living in hope, purpose, and peace when the world around you feels like it’s trying to rip those things to shreds? What are the twentysomething secrets for today and tomorrow?

Theodore Geisel, more popularly known as Dr. Seuss, has sold over 700 million books globally and counting. Then of course, movies and adaptations galore. Dr. Seuss is the epitome of a very successful writer. Yet I learned it is the similarities of his two all-time bestsellers that might be the most surprising. In the height of his career, Dr. Seuss was challenged not to do more, but less. His publisher challenged him to write a book using only 348 approved words. Could he do it? Once Dr. Seuss had the idea for the book, he thought he could dash it off in 2–3 weeks. Instead, it took him a year to write it. He anguished over every word. How could he tell a story that would entertain and capture the attention of children with so little? Finally he finished, and what he presented to the publisher, and then the world, was The Cat in the Hat, which only used 236 words. The Cat in the Hat quickly became so successful that his publisher and friend Bennett Cerf bet him $50 that he couldn’t write a story book using only 50 approved words. Dr. Seuss took on the challenge, anguished again, and this time gave the world Green Eggs and Ham. Dr. Seuss wrote many books, many wildly successful, yet it is those two books, where he was challenged to work with less, that are his #1 and #2 all-time bestsellers. In this age of overwhelming more and more and more, we can take a lesson from Dr. Seuss and try to do more with less. There’s so much noise, information, and choices at our fingertips these days, that it’s really those who can become the Creators and Curators of Less who will rise to the forefront. If it feels like you have very little right now, don’t worry. Maybe that’s the greatest gift you could’ve been given. If you feel constrained and boxed in right now, maybe that’s a really good thing. Because if you’re trapped in a small space, you are forced to get very creative on how to get out. As another famous cartoonist (and writer of the comic strip Peanuts), Charles Schulz, once wrote, “I am still amazed that a person gets his best ideas when he has the least amount of time, and how the day slips by with nothing being accomplished when there is too much time.” We’re drowning in “too much.” Become a Creator and Curator of Less. Lean into that place where your pulse quickens. Where you feel something beautiful and important. It doesn’t have to be “big.” Then focus on showing that to the world. We don’t need more. We need people who can show us less. And show it well. In an age that preaches the absolute freedom of unrelenting more, maybe having “everything” will in the end, leave us with very little of value and substance. There’s power in constraints and discipline. Do more with less. Focus. Like Dr. Seuss, you might accomplish so much more if you Become a Creator and Curator of Less.

Looking back at my first few years of marriage, (okay maybe first ten years … sorry babe!) I don’t think I realized how much I operated in my “right” to be right all the time. I still have to battle with a deep, ugly “need” to prove my “rightness” all the time. Meaning I have far too often been ready to argue to the bitter end to prove I was right, standing on top of that proverbial hill. Sure, I was alone there, but I WAS RIGHT!!!! (Wait … Wasn’t I?) But then you realize that sometimes of course, you were wrong. Or you realize that you were right, but what was the point of needing to prove that to the bitter end? You proved your right to be right, but at what cost? What did you gain from your rightness? Why did you need to prove you were right, and more importantly, make sure the other person knew just how wrong they were. Our relationships would be so much healthier if we let go of our right to be right, especially those few years of marriage. I know now my right to be right is just a defense mechanism covering up a lot of pain and insecurities. Marriage has a way of taking an ice pick and just chipping away at all the pride you’ve encased your insecurities and hurt with. You’ve probably heard the question: Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship? How right that question is. Filling your marriage with much more grace and forgiveness than your need to be right will bind you much closer together. Because if you’ve proven to everyone that YOU’RE RIGHT! while you stand there alone, maybe you were actually VERY WRONG after all.